men / women - male / female - feminine / masculine

again the theme arises in my life - the contrasts and complimentary natures of the cultural and biological distinctions of the genders.

...early on, in my teens and early twenties, I insisted that there was no difference, mostly as a defensive posture to allow the world to be open to me. At the time, the cultural definitions that I came to know - within my family, within the Southwest and within America - of men and women, limited each gender's access to the exploration of innate talents. The social framework in which I lived was influencing my point of view - progressive thought seeping into my consciousness from the 70's, a Jesuit college in the Bay Area and the prevailing atmosphere in Northern California. A very narrow offering existed for women in my social economic situation - attending a private college and exploring subjects other than home economics, teaching or nursing were not seen as an option from my father's perspective - yet my mother softly encouraged it - no other adult figure surfaced as a role model or a guide, so I wandered along by myself and with friends I meet along my path.

I knew that the life I had been exposed to did not hold a future for me: Why are there no women in positions of influence and power within the Catholic Church? Why are women not allowed to become priests or hold titles of consequence? Why do women have to stay home and have babies? Why do we have to get married? Why do we have to learn how to type to make money? Why are we the ones taking care of children and the house instead of sharing that responsibility so we too can develop our talents in other areas and travel for business? Why are men in control of the money and therefore the power within a marriage? Why do I have to address envelopes instead of cleaning cars on the lot at the family business - and not allowed to chose? Why can't I get a job other than as a waitress or salesperson in retail? Why won't you let me work during the summer break? Self sufficiency was not expected since being married and having a husband would take care of that, was the message from my father, who I viewed as a very intense, dominating, volatile and intimidating force within our family.

As I continued to weave my life story, I insisted on pursuing other options. Women could certainly compete with men in business, science and sports... all areas that held an interest for me... all areas that my father and mother exposed me to yet set limitations on - the accepted culture of the time. In college there were many opportunities for me to develop my athletic ability yet there was a very limited budget and staff to coach and manage the teams, and equipment was old. So even though I participated in my sports and on various teams, the women's athletic department was just women's recreation - the money and attention went to the men's teams.

One academic counsellor I had in college suggested that I might be interested in pursuing a job at Gumps - a high end retail store in San Francisco. Another one, chosen by my father, was a very old Philosophy professor who had no idea how to talk to a young woman to guide her in her choices. So I tested myself in lots of different areas... chemistry, engineering, psychology, arts - later in life realizing that the school did not offer the areas of most interest to me - botany and design.